So I haven't been blogging much lately...not sure that anyone has noticed. Sometimes my mind gets much too jumbled with all the things I have to do, all the things I should do and all the things I want to do. I hate feeling this way and when I do, my weaknesses really seem to look me right in the face. Lately, I've been feeling the pressures of motherhood wearing me down.
I worry that I my preschooler won't willingly tell me letters, let alone be reading by the time kindergarten starts. Why are so many other kids reading when they reach kindergarten?? I worry that I haven't found the perfect childhood hobby for my kids. Since when did our children need a childhood career? Seriously, sometimes I feel like if you haven't found your child's "chosen hobby" by the time they are eight, it's too late. Things are getting way too intense and competitive if you ask me. I worry that my older kids don't know all the Articles of Faith and that my youngest doesn't like to pray. I worry that my house isn't as clean and organized as it should be. I worry that I don't scrapbook anymore and my youngest one wonders where all her pictures are. I worry that I'm not enjoying motherhood enough and this time really is going to be over before I know it.
And then I take a deep breath.
I feel blessed.
I know everything will work itself out. It has to. I wasn't reading when I started kindergarten and somehow I managed to graduate from college. I trust that my kids will find something they are passionate about...even if they aren't on a competitive team or the most coordinated one in dance class. I know my kids are absorbing more of the gospel than I ever did at their age and I even passed off my Articles of Faith. Somedays I get my house clean and the laundry done...a lot of days I don't. I know my kids know I love them...regardless of the number of scrapbook pages each of them have (or don't have). I know this mothering part of life will be over before I know it, but I know that motherhood never ends. However, I am trying harder to hug them a little more, look into their eyes more deeply and listen more intently and get angry a little less. And I when I fail, I just try again.
4 comments:
I am learning that trying again might be the key to mothering, the gospel, LIFE.
Thanks for this, Julie.
the one thing motherhood ain't is a journey in perfection. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman and mother and your kids are blessed to have you...and kids having a hobby is a newsflash for me! Neither of my kids will pass that one with flying colors! Or reading before school for that matter. Jake didn't even do preschool and he's right on track! I love this post though...you rock my friend.
Julie, I loved your post. Can I say ditto to that. The thing that kept coming to my mind the most was a recent talk from Sister Beck. She said, when our priorities are out of order, we lose power. And then she repeated it over and over. She talked about the essentials (scriptures, prayer, etc) things to do every day, the necessary (laundry, meals, carpool, etc), and then the nice to do (scrapping, blogging, lunch w/friends, etc).
I know I sometimes find it hard to balance it all. Today for instance, I was a little frustrated with everything on my plate and the reality of not even being close to accomplishing it all well.
I think these "recheck" times are important. It gets us refocused and reenergized and it truly all will work out.
Oh, and one more thing - sorry this is so long - I totally agree about the kids and activity thing. So out of control!!! I just returned from a THREE hour dance recital. Ahhhh!
Julie: every parent has felt that way. It is unfortunate in our society that kids are no longer allowed to live through childhood. It seems like we are inept and neglectful parents if we don't have our 2 or 3 year olds going to school. If they are allowed to play with non-educational toys, we are looked at as ruining their lives. If the kids have fun, we did something wrong! And yet, we have children being raised this way killing other kids, showing zero respect in schools or to adults or others seen as authority, parents who won't discipline kids, and all sorts of other indicators that we are somehow making some mistakes. Maybe we DID learn some positive things playing with our friends, having fun, not learning anything we will be tested on, and socializing without a scheduled "play date." We had lives that weren't structured around a calendar and clock with every hour of the day filled with some important and character-building event like school, sports, dance, etc. etc. etc. We didn't turn out too badly. Unless you compare yourself to what others say you should be. And who are they to determine how YOUR kids are raised? So don't feel bad about raising your kids like you are. They are doing just fine! If they are happy, they are farther ahead than many, many kids I deal with. If they have a home, with parents who care, they are far and away better off than the kids that provide me with job security! If they have rules and chores and are learning responsibility, they are better off than 80% of their peers. So keep smiling, keep doing the job you are doing, and hold your head up!
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